This is a blog dedicated to chronicling my harrowing experience with an illness that i am far too lazy to research and do not really care to find out about but will now complain about. Its a barrel of screaming children for everyone. welcome to the party. sit down. shut up. and lets get to it.
Holy Hacking Hairball PLEASE SHOOT ME NOW
watch a movie that your friends would laugh at you for watching.
My personal choice is “Hercules” because i watched it when i was a little gay in training. gosh it brings back all of those memories of when i would prance around my house in sequenced spandex chaps singing the tunes while my parents were busy trying to find a “Pray-The-Gay-Away” camp for me. Anyway just pick something that makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside, or like you are doing something unnatural that will shame your family and make God hate you and put you in hell for your evil ways that you chose to do because you went to public school and watch too much cable and did not read the Bible often enough and that one time you let that guy in gym class touch you. what?
anyway find a movie you dirty harlot.
sleep like a dead baby
Its like how they used to knock out people during dentist visits. you could walk away and act like that was not even rape. except this time you wake up with less sickness than with a few strange sores that itch the next day. same same but different.
You should actively not do homework. Why? because you are spitting in the face of God’s plan to make you useless. If God wanted you to do your homework then wouldnt you think that he would have made you well for that purpose? Being sick is God’s way of giving you a thumbs up to be as gross and care free as possible. For goodness sake, when is there another time you can lay in bed, do nothing, and shit your pants/ puke your kidney’s out, or both at the same time?
Ill tell you, its called being turned into a cat because you pissed off a voodoo heathen, but how often does that happen? and to top it all off when your a cat you have to deal with shitty old people who want to touch you all day. im sorry, if i wanted to go do that i would go to an old folks home and actually talk to the scare crows rather than steal their family heirlooms and tell them that they lost them in the Holocaust along with their childhood.
play with your genitals.
now i would not recommend geting too excited with the whole rough housing in platform 9 & 3/4, you dont want to tucker yourself out on fappin. just think of it as a good old massage for your fun bits. let them know you care. take it from these lovely ladies: 
now do not these people look like they are having a good old fashioned, completely kosher, relaxing time of recovery from a crippling ailment? gosh, its moments like this that i remember why god made us in his image. to uphold good old fashioned christian values.
Think of a pretend name for your ailment.
when doing this you will want to think long and hard about it. What are the symptoms like? how are they making you feel? what have you been doing since it started? how have you been treated?
For the disease that i have i will call it “Vagina Throat”. The reasons being i feel like my throat has turned into a silent hole with lips that has no capacity to speak and is really only there to inflict gratuitous amounts of pain to whoever owns it (like from periods, births, coming in too early without foreplay, and black penises).
To draw some abstract meanings from this I have also noticed that because i can no longer talk i am ignored a lot more similar to the common domesticated woman. A creature that has nothing to say and everyone knows it.
drink some mother fucking tea. I dont really know why. i guess it helps. makes me cough a whole lot, but im hooked anyway.
look at it this way. the scalding of the water will make you forget the pain of your cough for a bit. hey, there is a silver lining.
and Iro drank tea. just saying.
